The Heart is meant to Love

This thought that I so badly wanted to put in words, now just eludes me. Why is it then when we’re happy, all the things we’d been crying over until last night suddenly seem so trivial..and then as soon as the sun sets, and we realize that the night is back again, those very same thoughts come running back too. Now, I just need to think of one thing to take me back to where I was last night, into my soul. And what do I think of? I just look around my empty room, my cellphone with no msgs I’ld love to reply,and no calls I am waiting for. There I am. And lonliness stands there mocking me, as if saying,”You thought I’d left you for good when you were just out partying with your friends? Or when you just chat for long hours on the phone, or are busy msging or email? Oh poor dear, I was just playing around with you! You can try as much as you want to escape, I am gonna be right there waiting for you everytime your day ends…”

Why did I always overrate love? Or was it not just me? I feel I am sure, that maybe I think I know it. Well, who am I kidding. I am so confused. We all expect a miracle to happen in our lives, the person we’d always imagined of, coming into our lives in the strangest of coincidences, and making us believe that it was always meant to be. We do it, don’t we? If not expect, let’s say, we hope for it. And that’s when the lightning strikes. The person we fall in love with us, is just not that into us, or we’re less of a priority than their careers, which I’m sure these days have become a very polite way of turning away, or rarely is honest or courageous enough to le us know there’s someone else in their life. Now the sad part, the most beautiful things to us are then said by the person who just doesn’t matter that much! Or someone for whom we can clearly see it’s all a game, and it doesn’t mean anything to him. So there it goes, maybe our last chance to happiness, lost to our heart’s will, which ironically was searching for happiness…

But you know why I was happy now? Because I realized our heart is just designed to love. It gets hurt, and then fixes itself and starts working again. Like a self repairing clock. It can do no other work the best way, as it can show time. Sometimes it does take time, days months years…But then it happens. Somewhere the heart’s urge to love again, and your mind’s will to get you out of the pain, like an alarm that goes off in the morning of an exam, no matter how badly you wanna go to sleep, that alarm and your mind just push you out of the bed!

So let your heart do some good to you now, and you be nice to it. Let it love again. Don’t punish a part of you for someone else’s mistake. You might say that ‘even in state of despair and misery, I’m thinking good for others around me, close to me, who matter.’ But, what we feel matters only to us. What we say and do, is what matters to people around. Thoughts are not just a few electric pulses in our brain until they mean something for someone else. Give them a chance to see how you feel, and how you can make them feel.

As a girl, honestly I’ve believed and self pitied so many times that we have to go through so much pain in life, it’s so hard at times, but we just can’t run away from it. Why are we so emotional, and the heart breaks just happen to us, and so on. Yesterday I was watching a movie, and this pregnant wife, smiling, tells her husband –“I met the doctor today. It’s a girl!” As I watched the scene, the words just entered me and a tear left. How can I ever be miserable for trivial things? I could imagine the smiles on my parents’ faces when I was born. And I said to myself – “anything that starts with happiness, should never end in tears.” And I am talking about life here. It has no end. And so there’s no longer any place for tears.

I come back to my room that night, and Lonliness was there as usual. He looked at me for a second, smiled with the look of a person playing poker who realizes somehow that the opponent’s cards are so much better, and that he’s lost a big pool. It felt as if he was surrendering to me, as he took his jacket and closed the door behind him as he left. That night I slept, without any dreams, peacefully with just a smile. I’ve learnt to be happy, and to love again.